An excerpt from the junior novelization for Roland Emmerich's 2012, written by Roland Emmerich

Chapter One: The Day Before Tomorrow

It was December 19th, 2012, and John Cusack was putting his kids—named Old Kid and Young Baby—to bed early so he could indulge in his favorite hobby, which is fan fiction based on the short-lived John Candy animated series Camp Candy.

Old Kid asked if there was any truth to the fear-mongering news report he heard on the news that night about the world ending. “Is there any truth to the fear-mongering news report I heard on the news earlier tonight about the world ending?” asked Old Kid.

The baby was babbling. “Goo Stargate goo,” said the baby.

John Cusack denied there was any truth. “No, those news reports are not truth,” said John Cusack.

Old Kid was relieved. “I am relieved to hear that father John Cusack,” Old Kid yawn-yelled.

John Cusack did not like these reports, because they originated from conspiracy theorists, and John Cusack’s grandmother died from beating up because of a conspiracy theorist who ate all of the world’s steroids, dubbed “Man-Godzilla.”

“These guys would even be laughed out of 10,000 B.C.,” John Cusack brain-whispered to himself. “I don’t know why they seem themselves as The Patriot that will be redeemed on Independence Day.”

But there was a meteor around the corner. “IMMA METEOR AND IMMA FLYING OUTTTA DA SKY,” gleefully screamed the meteor. “WATCH OUT JOHN CUSACK ALSO KNOWN AS MAN-GODZILLA.”

The meteor knew John Cusack’s secret.