Friday, June 5, 2009

Dr. Mario Gets Sued for Malpractice

As most of you probably do know, the final two Bell, Game, and Candle columns went up last week. (For those that haven’t seen, they can be found edition fourteen and edition fifteen, respectively.) Yes, I know this post is know belated, given that the topicality of those columns—the E3 expo—concluded yesterday.

The columns are in the grand tradition of the column being a string of things I had read or thought about in the past few weeks, especially the former, which features Warren Beatty, singer-songwriters, corporate decision-making as affected by drugs, a Sideways reference, and various other curiosities. Also, I had the column completely written with the intent of hallucinogenics and pixie dust being two separate things (pixie dust being, well, pixie dust), but after reading through it I noticed that could change the entire column by adding three words to the applications of pixie dust; because I felt like it, I did so. (There is not much to about the second column, other than it is meant to be read after the first.)

Yes, there was a three month gap in between those editions thirteen and fourteen, due to other commitments and even a little writer’s block. There was two intended columns in between—the Resident Evil 5 response (which I ended up putting here because I felt it had an expiration date) and “A Splendid Look at Cognition of Sir Robert Yescombe: An Internal Monologue.” The following, which obviously never made it near completion, is all I wrote for that:
I am now a solo mad proper gangsta, and I am now the only face of the artistic masterwork I am shilling. There is no Free Radical or anything, and Random House is only representing my literary work in a financial way. I have to rely on myself, because literature is a self-promotional medium. What should I say on its behalf, on my behalf? What is the new “Mike Tyson driving a stream train”?

Firstly, I should promote myself—I mean, I am no longer the corporate crooner masquerading as the coroner on the corner.

I am the next Roy Blount Jr.

“Heavy metal codpiece winning a BAFTA for Best Actor in a Larry King biopic.” Something works there, something does. Who is Larry King again? Oh yeah, the stone-age Yankee with suspenders and talk show.

“A triumvirate of Miss Matisyahus initiate a metaphorical albeit intranational conflict, but they have a change a heart. It turns into a sort of The Rage: Carrie 2 through the filter of The Great Gatbsy.” I think that is brilliant; it gives an abstract summarization of my great work and shows how I wrote what is two books for the price of one, a twofer if you will.
There was also a master list of column ideas, most of which never made the light of day, and some of those follow.

“Twenty Questions” - Such as “If interactivity is the defining characteristic of games as art, why isn't Spore being hailed as the zenith of the form?” or “Text-based adventures of the 80s were written so well, why is the writing of current action-adventure titles so poor?” or “Is it possible to have subtlety in game where you primarily shoot people?”
“What McSweeney's Can Teach Us” - I guess this sort of emerged in the Christopher Monks interview
“Huey Lewis' Game Company” - inspired by this SF Weekly article, a confabulation depicting a scenario where renown musician Huey Lewis has a game company and he invites some his audience, who end up knowing a hundred times more about what people want than the executives or gaming luminaries at the company.
“Alex Litel: Unofficial Development Consultant” - amongst other things, I tell Swordfish to drop the 50 Cent Gears clone for a Diablo Cody Gears clone
“The Metaphors of Boom Blox - mock analysis of the depth of the Spielberg puzzler
“The State of Humor in Gaming” - serious analysis of the not-so-serious
McCain and video games - (a) fake interview with McCain and games (b) McCain on games (c) campaign memo to capitalize on games (d) McCain reviews games (d) campaign/RNC Guitar Hero fundraiser
What Jim Henson Can Teach Us

Most of the rest don’t really make sense to me. (In fact, I was re-reading another column—no, not the Silverlake one—a couple of days before, and that didn’t make sense to me either.

Even though the Tumblr blog is more active, I am not abandoning this blog, though there may be less gaming-related posts. There is something planned for next week that I’d say is the filmic complement to the Imagine: Party Babyz review (I don’t think I’m going to appreciate the subject as much, though).