Prior to noticing that slender and voluptuous figure, I had been dead-set to quit the world of detecting and go into a more lucrative, socially accepted line of work such as mystery novel author or biochemist. I hadn’t seen a client in a few months, and I mainly passed the day by singing along to the music of the band America.
But I’ll be damned if that awe from when she put her thing down, flipped it and swung her hair did not cause an about-face.
“Baby dawlin, you call me Jackie,” she whispered into my ear while I feverishly attempted to adhere to fidelity and figure out the purpose of such seduction.
“I’m one-hundred-fifty-million-thousand-percent married, Jackie,” I awkwardly responded, glancing at my ring finger.
“That shouldn’t be much of an obstacle to my intent, detective,” Jackie told me, exuding a sensual overtone. “Do you wanna take a vacation to Helghan, babything?”
“Again I am married, and I have gone to the Netherlands before,” I replied with slight indignation. “If I want to go, I’ll go with my wife.”
“I kindly request you leave because I ain’t wanting to test my fidelity,” I continued, about to lapse into warble.
“Well babycakesalot, here is a special gift for you,” she said, pulling a plastic container out of her purse.
“CallZone 2,” the cover read in a most blatant typeface. “Blu-Ray disc.”
I promptly booted up my Xbox 360 curious of the disc’s contents, with crossed fingers it was not a pornographic film.
But I got a disc read error.
It probably will not help you understand, but this is a slightly modified excerpt of a piece I wrote a couple years ago called “Dan Quayle Writes a Detective Novel.”
Friday, February 6, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
I am the wizard who conjures a lucid quandary.
Because I feel like it, I am giving away another hand-drawn wallpaper - and the drawing (preview below) it is derived from. But I humbly request that you conserve paper and not print the drawing out (the drawing itself was done on a previously used piece of paper).
Sunday, February 1, 2009
There is a sincere probability of ambition unobstructed by formula and unadulterated by malfeasance.
Edition twelve of the glorious column is now up, in which I talk about the first game I am excited for since Imagine: Party Babyz. And by "talk about," I mean "present pitches from various folks for a film adaptation of said game."
Could someone convince a studio/Terry Zwigoff that this is something that needs to be hopped on board of?
Yes, you are expected to read aloud in an accent when requested. And if you are into that sort of thing, you have to connect the dots on your own.
Finally, on a more serious note, the title is a play on Rabbit Is Rich (I suppose it should be "Boy Is Rich," but three words seemed awkward to me) - and my little way of making a tribute to Updike.
Could someone convince a studio/Terry Zwigoff that this is something that needs to be hopped on board of?
Yes, you are expected to read aloud in an accent when requested. And if you are into that sort of thing, you have to connect the dots on your own.
Finally, on a more serious note, the title is a play on Rabbit Is Rich (I suppose it should be "Boy Is Rich," but three words seemed awkward to me) - and my little way of making a tribute to Updike.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
