A few weeks back, I read Alistair’s interview with an intoxicated Matt Hestill on the topic of games journalism, fairly good stuff—until I saw Hestill reprehensibly say, “We need someone who's going to take a whole boatload of acid and go to E3.” The medical community and me absolutely and utterly condemn any recreational use of drugs for any reason whatsoever; encouragement of such is wholly fucking abhorrent.
Thus, it is the responsibility of me, extraordinary extraordinaire and self-described male model Alex Litel, to introduce a new, healthful line of thought—New New Post New Games Journalism.
“Alex, what is New New Post New Games Journalism? Also, you go into drugs all the time, you hypocrite.”
Simmer down, my friend; I am not that skilled a writer, so I must rely on the same things. I am conniving enough that I claim this recurrence to be somehow artistic.
New New Post New Games Journalism (NNPNGJ for shorthand serenade) is not causing harm to yourself or others, but making an artform. NNPNGJ does not care about what Jeff Green thinks of Braid, but NNPNGJ is curious about Bob Dylan’s thoughts on Braid—even better, what Bob Dylan of 1965 would think of Braid.
“But Bob Dylan has not been in 1965 since 1965, which was forty-three years ago.”
Conspicuous Blatant of Obviousville, you sound incredibly stupid when you say that. Heck, that is the stupidest thing I have heard all day, and I heard a complaint about how Death Race was not enough like Step Brothers. But NNPNGJ is all about those sort of complaints, you bet damn right I am pissed that NFL Head Coach 09 is nothing like Gex: Enter the Gecko and that the allegory to the War of 1812 contained in Crash Time: Autobahn Pursuit is being ignored.
“So essentially New Post New New Games Journalism is silver-tongued nonsense?”
Are you really recycling the nonsense that traditionalists have been bandying about since New Games Journalism started a little less than four years ago? Also, it is New New Post New Games Journalism; New New Games Journalism was fringe stupidity that never got any traction, and I would rather not be associated with it.
“Gosh, you are so disrespectful, you’ve been constantly attacking a me—a sagacious elder—for, like, an eon.”
You are only twenty-eight, and nearly all of the counter journalist folk were on the New Post New Games Journalism brigade at that point.
“Whatever, games journalism wholesale is shit; it is inherently incapable of becoming anything further than middling charting of colonized lands. Indignation is inexcusable.”
I am fairly certain that no one is arguing the contrary: that games journalism in any form is going to elevate beyond quality pastiche.
“If current trends continue, bullishness is irrationality. As of present, there is no one capable of quality pastiche.”
I would disagree; there are plenty of fine folks writing finely about games.
“If Nancy Updike came across a submission from Ian Shanahan, she would totally reject it
I am pretty sure it is the interns that comb through submissions.
“Really? The producers combed through submissions on the radio show I interned at while in college.”
I read the page describing responsibilities of an intern on the This American Life site.
“Oh, while my point still stands—just substitute ‘Nancy Updike’ for ‘a This American Life intern.’”
But why would Ian Shanahan be submitting to This American Life? He is a Briton.
“What about Jon Ronson?”
Jon Ronson has his own radio and television programmes.
“Okay, so whoever deals with submissions for the British equivalent of This American Life would instantly and rightly spurn a submission from Ian Shanahan.”
Oh yeah, certainly—there is no argument against that.
“I try to apply the experience I received from a Master’s in Journalism. In this section of writing, no one ballyhoos quality, but heralds and masses swarm to whoever breaks the news about some generic first person shooter that I will never play.”
As clichéd as it sounds, be yourself. Do not concern over what the party is gabbling about.
“Yeah, you are right. I was told that the first day of my first journalism job by my boss, who would get sacked two hours later.”
Like New Post New Games Journalism, NNPNGJ does not canonize Martin Amis for writing a book about Space Invaders that adheres to the tenets of Newfangled Games Journalism twenty years before the movement’s coinage. That is why NNPNGJ reveres David Steel—the newly named senior vice president of marketing at Samsung Electronics America.
“That is rather arbitrary.”
Gaming journalism wholesale is arbitrary. But back to David Steel, over the past decade he has tapped well after well of untapped potential and has re-invigorated Samsung’s product strategy to position the company as a leader in electronics. This is what is in the dictionary under visionary. (Ironically, this very paragraph is in the dictionary under “cliché.”)
There you have it—The New New Post New Games Journalism Manifesto. Now we shall waltz on this avenue of journalistic progress, my fellow practitioners.
Actually, actually—I think I will call this Metal Machine Journalism instead.
“Like the Lou Reed record?”
No, it is a reference to a deleted scene on the Message in a Bottle DVD.
“Oh, I should watch Message in a Bottle sometime. I am a pretty big Nicolas Sparks fan, and I absolutely loved the book.”
If you are a big fan, wouldn’t you have watched the movie?
“No. With literary adaptations, I am afraid that it will sully the original work.”
